Work headaches and exhaustion, I should be able to have something to share soon, just, empty on ideas at the moment. Sorry everyone, have good one, day or night.
You know, I was thinking of what kind of writer I want to be. I don’t want to fix the world, I can barely handle myself let alone that. I just, I just hope I can be someone worthy, someone who can use words and perhaps make a person lose thier self to a story, to just let someone enjoy something without them worrying for a moment, to be someone who’s words can perhaps ease the weight of it all for a second. It’d make everything worth it ya know? I have to be honest, I don’t belive I’ve done right by those who read my writings. I have tried but I have not simply done. To try is to fail, the possibility of failure, letting it in, it means I may not try hard enough, I might do less then is needed because that is all that is asked of me. I must DO the things I feel I must, starting with more regular posts here I feel. This should not be a past time, a hobby, it has to mean more, be more then that. So, it will be a passion, a consumption of words leading to not but bright inspiration and hope.
Well, currently, I’m working on a few things, some are on hold due to my general mood lately, as it stands the happier things I’m working on would not end up being happy, admittedly happy is hard for me to write, I am a pessimist after all. As for the other things, well, one I have plans for but haven’t really started as of yet, and the third I just recently had an idea to start so its still in the planning stage of things.
In the order of my, eh, admittedly haphazard priority, I’ll list and explain them, well a little bit anyway.
First, a simple unfinished rough draft of a love story called The Rain, a bit of a fated story that actually features, well, I list this more as a warning then as it being a feature (I’ve never felt it mattered but some do so well, here’s the warning.) It’s main characters are both female, it is a LOVE STORY, not a paperback porno, though I’ll admit as a writer those take skill to write I feel it’s the wrong genre for me, let alone for what I’m trying to go for with this story. Also in my personal opinion such things distracts from the over all idea of the characters to some people and limits your audience quite a bit. I’ll understand if you find such a thing isn’t something you’d read, but I hope it more because such things don’t strike your interest instead of some other, decidedly unsavory (in my opinion), reasons.
The second, which is more busy work then honest writing, is a poetry book. This is something I would like to put up some where for a fairly cheap price. It is, after all, my goal to live off my writings so it’d be a start anyway. However, as its more busy work then and editing I’ll admit I’ve been putting it off for my previous project, since it’s on hold until I can write something semi happy without killing someone off, I’ll likely be doing this some time soon.
The third, and possibly most ambitious project, would likely require more focus then the other two so I’d like to get those somewhere nearing completion or at least to where I’m satisfied with putting them on hold for a time. A text based game, of some sort, perhaps horror, perhaps romance, not sure yet, it might be amusing to see if I couldn’t do a combination of the two, a group thrown into a horrific setting, the player’s decisions making for both survival and perhaps some sort of happiness in whatever chaotic hell hole they find themselves in. Likely, as I do have some knowledge of flash, though of an older platform then the current one, I’ll likely try it with that first but, before I do any programming or the like I’d like to get the main scenario and characters roughed out, as well as player choices. I never did care for straight lines in such games, the first choices should come with the making of your character, as such the main character will likely be getting the most development before I do anything else, but, as I said, due to how extensive and ambitious this project will be I’ll likely at least get my poetry book together first.
As a side note, perhaps I’ll sound a tad bit offensive hear, but, if you have constructive criticism or benign posts on my current tasks, feel free, feel more then free, to post them. I obviously try to at least somewhat moderate the posts that get through, as such, posts I feel are too, how to say, cruel perhaps, will not be approved. I say this less because I think it will happen and more because this is the internet and trolls do exist, sadly enough, as do honest people who seem to not know better, again, not because I assume any of these unsavory types frequent my blog.
That’s all of it for now, thanks for reading! Really, thanks, and thanks for checking my posts, sorry if anything I said may have eh, been taken the wrong way, I honestly do think that most of the people I’ve seen check or like my posts seem like rather well rounded individuals, considering I’ve never gotten a single offensive comment. Just, some things seem to make some people a tad bit, cruel, I guess is a good way to put it. I do hope I didn’t word anything wrong here and end up insulting my readers but part of me felt it was needed, and I’m nothing if not honest with myself.
Have a good day/night! Thanks again for reading!
Nothing really new, just, busy, I’ll admit I’ve been anticipating a game release that’s coming tomorrow and have actually been being, eh, kinda social if skype and gaming for a weekend off counts. I have been working on something but it as still unknown when, if ever, I’ll put it on here, as it’s not my regular genre in a way, and bit outside of the box for me. Just figured I’d say I am still active, just a bit behind schedule, I’ll be trying to do updates a bit more regularly after this, as my time allows.
Shadows move, and shadow flow, and in the darkness…what does grow? I see it seethe, twist and moan, and I am forced to wonder once more, in the darkness what does grow?
Shadow move and shadow flow, in that darkness something grows. It moves and twists like a creature in pain, and that dark that shrouds it is not for it’s own sake, but for mine, the shadows that conceal, that hide and refuse to reveal, protects my mind from that vile beast, that creature that lurks, but still as it seethes with in the murk….In those shadows that move and flow I am once more forced to wonder, in the darkness what does grow?
The shadows flee, like tattered cloth, I see it now, and I wish I had not. I know, I know, what with in that blight darkness does grow, and I wish I hadn’t wondered, oh I wish I didn’t know, ignorance is a bliss that I’ll sorely miss, as my light does fade, drawn into that blighted shade. For I know, I know, in that darkness what did grow, what grew within those twisted shadows that writhed and moved, now I wish I hadn’t wondered, oh how I wish I didn’t know, the vile beast that within that darkness did grow.
People around, with smiles and not a single frown. Left behind, left in the dark, I what their light from the shadows shrouding my heart. I laugh and talk, and smile along, when in inside I’m shattered, feeling battered and broke, oh I wish I remembered, wish I knew, just how it was I stood being so truly alone.
I see their light, their love, the warmth and care, and somehow I want it, I taint their smiles with jealousy and I don’t know how I dare, I profane this light and hide in my shame, I just want to know, remember how it was when I was alone, aloof and standing aside. Safe in shadows that now blight my soul, I wish I could just deal with this pain, mind numbing cold.
I used to be fine, never caring, never daring, I didn’t want what they have, the silence was enough, now I can’t seem to look away from the warmth, the light of it all. I want this dark dispelled, these blighted shadows gone, I wish to see the world without my tainted soul.
How I wish I was no longer alone.
Another thanks, to people that read my stuff and like it. It helps a lot ya know, so thanks. I’m actually thanking the people that help me today as well, I mean, I can say there is some people I follow blogs or channels of that have inspired me so much. They really have, it’s amazing how much a video or reading something can help, so incredible, but it does. While, my writings are not much writings you’d read to cheer yourself up, I do hope that those that read them get something out of the experience.
I know I myself likely do not seem that cheery of a person, going off some of my stories, but, well that’s kinda true lets be honest here. However, just because I’m a bit of a down person doesn’t mean I don’t understand that the people here, regardless of why or how, are helping me using their time. As a writer, obviously, you have two goals, the first is to tell a story, a good story that people want to hear, the second, is to do the first while remaining true to yourself. It likely sounds corny, but, it’d be hard for me to write a good, happy, story, it likely wouldn’t be a good story, because I broke the second rule. So, hopefully, I’ll get better at this. I plan on going back to school and once I’m in school, despite classes, I do hope I’ll have more time to post things on here, more inspiration. I, think I’m starting to believe in myself, mean I don’t have that many followers on here, but its not just a number game, every person that likes and takes the time out their day to read my writings is a PERSON, you all have your things to do, yet here ya are. So really,
Happy Single’s Awareness Day (Or Valentines Day for those of you lucky enough to have someone to share it with!)
Have a good one.
For the people that have inspire me
- Markiplier (Mark’s Channel) A YouTube gamer that has an upbeat personality, hilarious reactions, and has taught me a thing or to about appreciating people.
- Danbull (Dan’s Channel) A British rapper with a strong sense of whats right when it comes to internet freedom as well as an equally large love of games.
- All of the writers and authors that I’ve read up until now involved in the Faerune world setting.
- Most of the artists I listen to on my itunes, i’d list them but you likely know them and it’d just get ridiculous.
- Just about all the people I have followed on my DeviantArt, just click my DA account link and wander through my favorites, you’ll find them.
- My friends, and family, seems trite perhaps, but having people that reads my work and tell me, honestly, if it’s bad or good, helps. Not to mention them just believing I can do this, at all.
- Anyone who took the time to read this far, as a writer is nothing without their readers. I mean that truly I do, so thanks, again.