Solitude (Exile)

I think aloud and my thoughts do echo through out the noiseless sound,

the rumbling ramble that is my mind, sitting in shadows alone, paying my due time.

Caged in self imposed exile, chained to solitude as all I know.

I can’t understand how to leave this castle I’ve built when it’s all I have and all I own.

Nor do I have the keys to open the gates to another, to let someone in.

So I’m trapped in this citadel, this castle of mine, with only my thoughts and my echo as a friend to my darkened time.

If only I’d not locked the door behind me, if only I’d not built my walls so high.

Maybe then at least the moon or sun could be my friend, something else to get me by.

But alas it’s not to be, I’ll be trapped in this darkness forever with not even shadows for company.

I’ve found now, with this exile of mine, perhaps it better to risk the dagger and open the door, than dwell and silence without a single smile for warmth.

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Fool – I have no idea.

Fondly fuming over the oddly amusing, strangely seething with distressed good meaning.

So while strange seething of seeming distressed good meaning this fondly fuming fumbling fool does proffer a profit towards friendship true.

Still delightfully disturbed and perfectly perturbed this friendship true I offer you, with no feeling of ill or rue, though I’ll admit an adversarial amusement in diligently distressing in minor measures the thorough thinking and intellectual illumination you offer in return for this friendship true.

So fondling fuming and oh oddly amusing this strangely seething fumbling fool does offer a profit in form of friendship true that thankfully is through and through a simple thing to seemingly soothe the strangely seething intellectual you, this fumbling fool you call your friend would walk with you forever, hand in hand, but alas as always it’s an exasperating experience walking with that fondly fuming ever musing fool.

Perhaps if proffered once more we can start again with smiles and laughs lacking the lack luster feeling that fills the intellectual you while standing beside this fumbling fool, I’d apologize,  but this fumbling fool that is perfectly perturbed and annoyingly amused is all I know to be and all I’ve ever been but being this being is not in keeping with this proffered profitable friendship, so perhaps its time we walk another way, back to back and facing a way, walking apart and never together leaving this past behind.

No long fond, not really fuming, just here sadly seething at a foolish fumbling me that let the future fade before it even became the past. Lonely, alone, and ever the fool.

You walked away from me.

Tainted Shadows

People around, with smiles and not a single frown. Left behind, left in the dark, I what their light from the shadows shrouding my heart. I laugh and talk, and smile along, when in inside I’m shattered, feeling battered and broke, oh I wish I remembered, wish I knew, just how it was I stood being so truly alone.

I see their light, their love, the warmth and care, and somehow I want it, I taint their smiles with jealousy and I don’t know how I dare, I profane this light and hide in my shame, I just want to know, remember how it was when I was alone, aloof and standing aside. Safe in shadows that now blight my soul, I wish I could just deal with this pain, mind numbing cold.

I used to be fine, never caring, never daring, I didn’t want what they have, the silence was enough, now I can’t seem to look away from the warmth, the light of it all. I want this dark dispelled, these blighted shadows gone, I wish to see the world without my tainted soul.

How I wish I was no longer alone.