Echoes & Currents/Wanderer’s Demon

Echoes and currents of thoughts and ideas, of dreams that died and words left unsaid.

The regrets that haunt my sleep and rattle around inside my head.

Ephemeral currents of sadness too deep, of happiness unknown, and this anger I keep.

It’s like a ghost on my shoulder, the demon that speaks, it provides unspeakable inspiration, yet the cost is too steep.

The exile is lonely, the wanderer is cold, I stumble through this night, and all I want…

All I want is a home.

I am Silent Within the Sound

I walked into the sound, cold lapping out my feet and silence all around.

I walked into the sound, it’s about at my waist now, my problems back at shore and silence all around as I walked that misty morn out into the sound.

The water calm, my heart is still, the sound surrounds, the waves above me now.

All I am is silence deep within the sound, no problems, no worries, my weight is back at shore.

I hope, those that knew me, might forgive me once more.

Burning (All is Flame)

I slam my head against the wall that I built before my fall I can’t stop this burning.

This flame inside my mind, that tells me I am nothing, that all I am is dust and envy with nothing to show and nothing to gain.

Still, I slam my head into this wall and bleed and bleed with nothing to show for it but pain and rage.

And yet, I still exist, I still reside, in this empty life with this empty smile of mine.

Burning, burning, burning, I can’t seem to stop this incessant yearning.

Fingers moving across the letters, fingers moving and dripping red blood.

The ink drained from my soul, writing out my life and letting go the flood.

I empty myself out, pour it onto the page and all I ever get is filled with more and more rage.

I exist and I bleed and I cut with these words, cutting out the blood to silence the scream I need to release more and more.

This endless rage, this endless seething, leaking blood red fury in a sea of green envy.

Too foolish to admit, to kind to blame, all I am is alone, and everything is bright red flames.

 

Repeat

A scratching silence fills my life, repeating repeating an endless loop.

Nothing changes, nothing moves, the needle on the record skips and skips, an endless loop.

Repeating, repeating never moving, nothing new, always used, left behind.

No reason to smile, no reason to be, this endless repeat is all thats left of me.

Grey Moment

Standing on the shore of what was, I watch what is drift away. It left me behind standing stranded on a beach with no name.

A place long in the past but never outside of now. Where nothing matters and nothing cares and all the world is gray nothing in the span of a single moment that stretches forward into eternity.

I stand there, waiting, and nothing passes, nothing moves. There is only myself and that grey moment, and the silence of the weight of the ashes that have become my home.

Remember, you’re not alone.

While I don’t talk about it much, and I tend to not share personal thoughts, I can say that I have my some issues to deal with up inside my skull. I don’t like voicing them outside of poems, not in such a public forum I suppose, it strikes me as complaining and the voice in the back of my head tends to rail at about how little I have to complain about.

I’ll be honest, if my head wasn’t on a bit wrong I wouldn’t have much to talk about, but then my muse wouldn’t be much of a muse then either I think. Which might be something to look into at another time. However, while that’s all well and good, I wanted to talk about that little voice that, to some extent I feel everyone has, self doubt I suppose? Louder for some than others but it’s there, and some have it worse with the level of, cruelty exhibited, but to some extent everyone gets jabbed by something like it I feel. If I’m wrong feel free to correct me here, but others deal with it more regularly than some, and for others it’s always there. I know that’s to a large extent true for me.

Now this isn’t so much about complaining, or saying I have it bad, I deal with the cards I got, I can’t change the hand I’m dealt so I might as well make it work. Granted I’m in a bit of a zen mood at the moment, the fact it won’t last is a forgone conclusion, but all of this has something I’m leading up to.

Just remember, you’re not alone in this, if you’re ever having issues, any issues, talk to someone, write it out, do something, even if its going for a walk to somewhere away from people to just scream out the frustration of it all, do something. It helps me at least, to find a way to get it all out.

I just wanted to say that, and to share a bit of a gem I found that I really like and is fitting for this subject anyway. It’s a song by a YouTuber that goes by Chris Ray Gun the song being “Reality Calls” and well, listen to it, it’s pretty fitting all around for the experiences I’ve gone through with my problems anyway. I don’t know if that’s true for your experiences, but I hope, whatever problems you’re going through, big or small, they all get sorted out. (Linked video below)

Reality Calls by Chris Ray Gun