I feel a pain, an echo of something lost and never found, a screaming searing a shattered soul.
I sit in shadows of something like sorrow, for that certain surrender I’ll never know, that I’ve never seen and will never show, that warm surrender of heart and soul.
That lovely listless like that loosens the grasping grip of grating life, that lights the shadows that shattered with strife.
I know the scream but not the whisper, I know the pain but not the touch, I’ve seen the light but live in darkness, in this cold sightless night.
I know so much but so little all the same, a life of empty knowledge, of seeing but never knowing the same.
As I grow and age I know the creaking joints and pain of cold.
Decaying form and thoughts go slow oh I hate this aging so.
Before my time I speed and go into the land of ages gold, the tarnish of youth polished to soon my form cracks and breaks, the weight too much to hold.
Both young and old forward I go, into tomorrow’s great unknown. With the silver of youth and ages unvarnished gold.
I walk amongst the distant stars while I rest apace alone.
I see that blessed dark call to me while I wander on my own.
Drawn to wonder, forced to doubt I march alone and forever without.
A place to call my own.
Echoes and currents of thoughts and ideas, of dreams that died and words left unsaid.
The regrets that haunt my sleep and rattle around inside my head.
Ephemeral currents of sadness too deep, of happiness unknown, and this anger I keep.
It’s like a ghost on my shoulder, the demon that speaks, it provides unspeakable inspiration, yet the cost is too steep.
The exile is lonely, the wanderer is cold, I stumble through this night, and all I want…
All I want is a home.
I think aloud and my thoughts do echo through out the noiseless sound,
the rumbling ramble that is my mind, sitting in shadows alone, paying my due time.
Caged in self imposed exile, chained to solitude as all I know.
I can’t understand how to leave this castle I’ve built when it’s all I have and all I own.
Nor do I have the keys to open the gates to another, to let someone in.
So I’m trapped in this citadel, this castle of mine, with only my thoughts and my echo as a friend to my darkened time.
If only I’d not locked the door behind me, if only I’d not built my walls so high.
Maybe then at least the moon or sun could be my friend, something else to get me by.
But alas it’s not to be, I’ll be trapped in this darkness forever with not even shadows for company.
I’ve found now, with this exile of mine, perhaps it better to risk the dagger and open the door, than dwell and silence without a single smile for warmth.
Standing on the shore of what was, I watch what is drift away. It left me behind standing stranded on a beach with no name.
A place long in the past but never outside of now. Where nothing matters and nothing cares and all the world is gray nothing in the span of a single moment that stretches forward into eternity.
I stand there, waiting, and nothing passes, nothing moves. There is only myself and that grey moment, and the silence of the weight of the ashes that have become my home.
Hurting, hurting, hunting the scar and seeing the sound as I travels to the ground and Me goes away once more.
We has returned only to go to Their grave and They have yet to be seen again, and Us remains unsure.
I knows not the Me that came nor recognize the We that went once more I lost Myself to Them the only ones I once let in before.
The ones that broke Me and left Us sad, that crippled They and sent the others to Their grave but most of all they shattered I when they broke Me and We have never been the same.
I recognize not the shadows of We or this crazed cursed Me, the ones with scars and pain and its all I see. So all cry and scream and laugh because even shattered, even broken.
I and We and Me and They go to Their grave and sit and carouse and watch as the moon glowers down and the roses blossom tulip flowers, for even mad and even crazed All can speak as one.
“Least We’re not alone.”